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A flawed novice observer.
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The crowd.

Monday, September 19, 2011

You're not the only one.

Dear friend.

I know it hurts you to have your long-time girlfriend to 'leave'
right before you, in your arms.
When she's better off
with her parents, not you (that's what you said)
on her birthday - October 10th, right?
I know that it's been 3 years
since she left this world.
And yes, there's no other girl like her, I assure you.

The same way that no one can change the fact that
no one, NO ONE
is half as great as my (late) dad. Period.

I'm sorry you lost your girl.
I'm sorry that you feel guilty for her being with you on the day she left.
I'm sorry I reacted differently everytime you talk about her.

I just don't want to see you sad.
If I REALLY had to choose, I'd rather be pissed at you for all the remarks you made
than see you with that sad face you wear almost every other week.
You're not the only one who's losing someone, love.

Just know that you have to be strong.
My dad's not coming back.
She's not coming back.

Does it EVER occur to you that when
you cry over them
you're putting them in pain?

Does it EVER cross your mind
that she loves you too much
to see you keep looking back
and never look ahead of you
all the blessings Allah SWT has bestowed upon you?

You lucky a--hole
you have your friends around you!
Above all, your family!

And please do me a favour
don't EVER think that I don't feel. Call me Concrete/South Pole/Pluto/whatevs.
I feel. I have feelings. I cry at the corner, too.
I get pissed. I throw/kick/hit stuffs just to release my tantrum.
I laugh when I'm happy.
But I DON'T SHOW IT. Just too lazy.

The last time I put my heart in the open, they broke it. Doesn't get any better than that.
The last time I show my feelings, things just got worse.

So I surpressed it so deep I don't know what I feel anymore.
But I know I'm pissed at you NOW for reminiscing at the memories and calling me all that.

Did you know because of you being inconsiderate to my feelings
as you were busy with your own
I cried on my own?

What the hell do you think I'm doing then, hours ago
sitting right before you
What, you think this girl has no feelings and never cried?
You think.. that since I never cried before you
I never cried AT ALL?

The heck I didn't.


You're lucky you were there with your girl.
I wasn't even there with my dad.
I didn't get to see his last smiles. Laughter.

I was at some damned hill for some damned commando experience.

Please don't be sad anymore.


By the way, thanks for the Penang trip offer.
I really, REALLY want to join you, but I have paper for the next day.
And no, please.. x nak repeat. :D
You're crazy, I give you that.. but I love you.
Take care of yourself there and have fun.

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