Peace be upon you.

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A flawed novice observer.
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The crowd.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

They calm my nerves.

For studying

For a walk

Instrumentals and classicals
are not only peaceful, but
they are also CGPA-enhancing kind of music, so
try listen to a few here and there :)

Saturday, February 9, 2013


I don't know what to write.
I don't know where to begin.
I don't know how to speak of this feeling I feel.

We all have a battle or two to survive.
I am no exception.

My friend has recently lost a loved one to a brain tumour.
A companion and I, we are very much despaired for his loss
for this is the first time we have ever seen him
so much in love, and divinely happy and content.

He lost her within a week
after he proposed to her.
But I am happy for him, still,
for he managed to tell her how ardently he loved her before her time comes,
and she to him.
Better late than never.

He is still in mourn, however,
he tried. I know he tried.
Well, the thing about death is
you try so hard to cover everything up, to suppress it,
that in the end, you somehow become.. hardened;
so much so that you will be regarded as ignorant of other people's conditions
or that you just don't.. feel.

It happens. People don't quite understand.
But can I blame them? After all, they really don't know.
They don't know how it feels like to lose a father.
They don't know how it feels like to lose someone you love.

Well, perhaps I can blame on their rock-bottom level of consideration.
Or selfishness.
Or simply, stupidity.
Doesn't matter, it doesn't change anything.
I just don't care.

It hurts when it happened but in the end
I guess I just stopped caring
for I'm quite done trying to be understood.
I kind of ended up being.. disappointed.
To be fair, I don't understand pretty much everyone.
I don't live their lives.

And then there's a story of unrequited love.
I must say, this story goes back to about 2 semesters ago.
It didn't take much to notice;
just a post on a blog
an acute understanding on a person's picture of 'perfect'
and the peculiar timing.

You can say I was just lucky I saw it coming.

Like everyone in love, she wishes nothing but only the best for him.
Then this one girl came along.
And everything just.. took a turn, for the better.
I see he has changed a bit.
He smiled more - the genuine smile.
He giggled like a kid. Oh, it was so adorable, haha

My friend, my confidante, my brother
Dear God, isn't he so happy..
And the two of us - heck, every one of his closest companions - noticed.

And yes, we are very happy indeed.

But I guess.. not everyone has the privilege of time, isn't it.
Upon finding out that the hope of him finally finding bliss
after years mourning over the first one
has gone for good.. with her,
she cried for a long time.
It was a sight not even I can bear witnessing.

Time - not everyone has plenty, nor were they so lucky.

Then, a story of friendship.
I received a phone call from an unidentified number
on my father's phone.

After greetings, he asked for my father.
"He's not here."
"Where is he going?"
"He's.. no longer here."
"What, he doesn't work there anymore?"
"He.. passed away."
"Innalillah wa inna ilaihi rajiun. When?"
"Quite a while.. it's been 2 years."
"2 years? Of what?"
"Heart attack."
"God forgive me, I did not know. May I know who am I speaking to?"
"His daughter."
"Is your mother around? Where do you live, is it in Bangi?"
"Yes she is, but we live in Puchong."
"Oh, I must have been mistaken.
Your father and I worked together at Sibu.
You were so little then."
"Oh, so you must be with my father in the army then?"
"Yes, your parents attended my daughter's wedding one time.
I'm so sorry, I really don't know of this."
"It's okay, I understand. May I know your name?"
"Mejar Anuar. Tell your mother of me, she will remember."
"In shaa Allah, I will tell her you called."

When I told my mother of this, she was so shocked.
She said he is his best friend. They were always together, and he speaks of him often.
He always wondered how he is doing.
In fact, when he passed, everyone tried to call him,
but no one could reach him.

I feel so terrible. This is terrible.
I can't imagine knowing my best friend has passed away only 2 years later.

I can't figure out a title for this post.
Well, name it anything you want.

May Allah Taala bless everyone, living and not.