Habukss.

Ha!

Fuhh lama tak bukak page ni.

Sebenarnya tak tau nak letak apa dah.

Tapi baru baru ni

ada follow Twitter account @englishjer

dan ada masa diorang promote satu site ni

awefullywritten.com.

Terlintas hati nak hantar karya kat situ hehe.

Actually dah hantar! Haha

Kalau jumpa bagitau titeww yewww hahahaha

Jadi mungkin

blog ni akan jadi tempat

cuba try test

sekadar menaip

apa yang terdengar, terlihat, terasa; lalu terfaham

lalu tercurah semahunya di sini, dan sana.

Takat tu jelah.

Salam Sejahtera.

Kebanggaan.

Simple je ceritanya.

Begini.

Siang tadi aku beraya raya.

4 rumah diserbu.

Di rumah yang ke-4 ni, aku disapa oleh bapa saudara aku.

Dia tanya pasal progress studies aku.

Kataku, "dah habis diploma.

In shaa Allah, Noor masuk degree."

Katanya, "okay, belajar elok elok.

Cuba dapatkan first honors."

Selepas tu dia tanya,

"boleh tak dapatkan first honors tu?"

Jawabku, "in shaa Allah."

Tapi soalan tu membuatku pantas terfikir

selama ni kita belajar untuk apa?

Betul ke demi ilmu seperti yang disangka kita?

Ke demi segulung ijazah

yang akan dapatkan kita

kerja, duit, rumah, kereta?

Bayarkan bil bil kita?

Menjadi kebanggaan keluarga?

Sampaikan aku tertanya tanya,

diorang bangga dengan anak diorang ni

sebab anak diorang ada ijazah ke ada ilmu?

Memang raya aku

penuh dengan benda camni.

Soalan paling aku malas nak dengar, jujurnya,

"sambung mana?"

Macam nak bertanding anak siapa paling lejen.

Tapi siapalah aku nak sangkal hakikat

kita mintak kerja pun orang tengok ijazah.

Time raya pun tanya konvo bila.

Yang tak habis belajar tu tak semestinya tak pandai

tapi yang habis belajar tu orang akan kata 'mesti dia ni pandai'.

Legit tak statement tu?

Ke ada yang nak argue? Boleh. I'm open to anything.

Aku pun termangu sendiri.

All those semesters wasted.

I wondered if I have actually learned anything all this while.

I want to be better, in shaa Allah.

Phase two.

I saw this on facebook

and intuitively hit share.

Naturally it reminded me of my father

one I would call king of four princesses HAHAHA.

I LOLed because I hardly act like a princess, but yeah..

.. he's my dad.

So, Papa

this is the second phase of my life in which

you are not in the picture.

Again, I pictured you driving me to and fro

the campus, just because you can, or you're bored.

It's not you to talk much;

you mostly ask.. things I deem practical questions.

My classes, where I eat, where I go to buy stuffs.

Those kind of stuffs.

I know it's been 3 years.

I know I should have been better than I was.

My friends said so, but..

I just hope you're okay wherever you are.

I hope my prayers reach out for you,

don't know if it's enough, but

I sure pray it does;

because I have nothing else to give you.

Clearance, teh tarik, dan Pizza Hut.

Ohkayyy!

Ceritanya semalam dan hari ni teman ada di Segamat.

Sampai je kampus singgah jap kat bilik lama.

Borak jap. Kejaplah sangat. Muehehe

Petang sikit baru gerak ke Zamrud

di mana kita menginap.

Bertembung dengan exco chess.

Boraklah lagi.

Bertemu kat admin,

macam macam ceritalah teman dengar.

Sambil diorang kerja diorang,

dengarlah diorang bercerita progress diorang so far.
Jalan jalan tu pun bertembunglah dengan kawan kawan CS,
Transport Part 5 iaitu Ju, Anis, ngan Sakey.
Sakey je yang akan panggil aku Ayam Titanium. Haha

Tau tau ada Student Voice malam tu.

Jadi Fatinaz pun ajak ke DSB untuk lepak.

Akhirnya bertemu jugak, alhamdulillah.

Berjumpa tu terus berpeluk.

Mereka yang nampak kami tu dapat movie percuma dari kami. Hahahambar

Dan akhirnya bertembung semula

dengan Syafiq, Zaim, Daus and Aqilah.

Adatnya kami bila bertembung kuasa gila kami bergabung,

berlipat gandalah gila kami jadinya.

Alhamdulillah, jumpa jugak ye.

Soooo dah jumpa yang lain

tapi si Rush takde. Haih si anti sosial.

Aqilah kabor kat dia jumpa kat NR pukul 10.30 gitu.

Long story cut short, Fatinaz, Aqilah, Daus ngan teman gerak terus ke sana

few minutes after 10.30.

Syafiq ngan Zaim tinggal dulu, nak ambik cop rasanya.

Kami pun duduklah kat NR

Rush macam biasa, datang je tengah cakap kat tepon.

Bergayut ke ber'business' ke teman tak tau.

LOL bergayut. Haha

Aqilah cadang beli air dulu.

Macam biasa, bro, teh tarik gelas besau.

Rush punyalah fokus cakap kat tepon

sampai tak pasan kitorang lalu depan dia. Sabo je la.

Aqilah buat prank call pun dia boleh blur lagi, masyaAllah.

Nampak teman je responnya 'eh?'

Katanya Syafiq kata teman datang esok.

Tu yang dia heran.

Dengan duduknya kami semua

bermulalah conversation yang isinya

penuh dengan apa yang dah jadi ngan kampus ni

sejak teman habis diploma kat sini.

Cerita biasalah. Cerita yang kalau diikutkan

sama je every sem.

Berceritalah kami kat situ

sampai orang yang kerja kat situ pun gitau kitorang

'nak balik nanti tutup lampu.'

Haha ayat yang biasa kami dapat

sebab memang muka kami je

yang selalu lepak situ sampai pepagi buta.

Esoknya pulak, iaitu hari nilah

kami plan nak makan.
Singgah ATM kejap. Bertembung dengan Hakim Banking Part 3.
Borak kejap, kemudian terus ke bus stop.

Rush brought the boys

Daus and Syafiq, with his car.. err, his mum's car.
'Diorang pegi bayar bill,' kata Aqilah.

Kami gegadis ni, Eeka, Aqilah, Fatinaz dan teman sendiri

kena tunggu mahunya sejam setengah untuk kereta sewa kami.

Kacau plan jugak.

Aqilah drive laju, kau tau.

Boleh buat movie Fast and Furious: Segamat.

Featuring Aqilah dan Rush.

Boleh tengok siapa punya driving lagi laju terbabas, kan. Haha

Risau tiket habis, kami ke terminal, beli tiket dulu

sebab tadi ramai jugak usung beg besar.

Kesian the boys tunggu lama

sebab orang yang belanjanya tak datang datang lagi. Haha

Kami pun suruh diorang order dulu.

Syafiq kata 'adat orang Johor makan kena sesama.' leulz

Aqilah kata 'gitau diorang order drinks ke, side dish ke.'

Kita pun text la Syafiq.

Replynya? 'Kalau ambik skang nanti jadinya

kena order lagi, jadi baik takyah.

Kitorang tengah menjimatkan kau ni,' jelasnya.

Tau tak kitorang risau korang lambat makan. Paham tak. Haha

AKHIRNYAAAA

tibalah kami kat Pizza Hut, haaa kelas kau.

Fatinaz bawak beg sebenarnya tapi akhirnya bawak purse je.

Teman pun tanyalah, 'kenapa tak bawak?'

Jawabnya, 'dalam tu ada buku ENT.'

Perh dedikasi sungguh.

Masuk masuk terus cari diorang. Eh takde.

Tepon si Syafiq. 'Kat mana?'

'Kat Pizza. Korang kat mana?'

'Kami kat Pizza Hut dah ni.'

Kelentong ke cane ni, haha

Anyway, last last bagilah the honor nak pilih pizza

kepada mereka yang setia menanti lagi kebulur ni.

Dah order tu, bermulalah gila kuasa empat kami.

Masa kami tengah bahagia membahan sesama sendiri

tetiba ada orang datang ke meja kami, jual labu.

Terkejut jap, sebab caught off guard kan.

Kami pun kata, 'takpelah, terima kasih.'

Fatinaz kata dia alergik labu.

Orang tu pun senyum, kemudian berlalu pergi.

Kami spontan terus tergelak sebab

ianya sangat random. Haha

Seriously we had no intent to insult ke apa

cuma kami terkejut. Hihi

Jarum jam menunjukkan pukul 6 petang.

Tiket setengah jam lepas tu.

Kami pun bangun beransur.

Last last minute cenggini Rush boleh tanya

pasal lagu apa yang teman dah ambik

dan kalau benda yang Ather mintak dah transfer.

Lagu banyak kot teman ambik, tapi

teringat lagu Moon River.

Terkejut dia. 'Moon River?'

'Haa yelah. I ada transfer lagu Audrey Hepburn dalam tu.'

'Movie dia ada tak?'

'Ada.'

'Ada dalam tu (external dia)?'

'Tak.'

'Transferkan.'

Deiii thambi, you ah.

So it has come to this

the farewell.

Gave a hug to Fatinaz.

Nak tunggu tapi macam tak sure how soon the bus will leave,

so naik jelah.

Dah duduk tu, nampak Eeka berlari ke bas.

Terdengar Fatinaz kata, 'dia dah naik dah.'

Teman pun turun. Eeka was like, 'Syidaaaa!'

Dan kami pun berpelukan. Yang jadi saksi, bakal penumpang bas. Haha

Pakcik driver bas gagap yang nampak kami tadi

imitate drama kami tadi. Siap dengan jeritan kasih sayang Eeka tu lagi. Haha

Orang keliling kami tergelak je. Hahaha siot.

Few tears were shed. Yelah, syahdu maa.

Rush ngan Syafiq tunggu kat kereta

risau tak memasal kena saman.

Just when I thought I could give them a proper farewell.

I texted them. Syafiq reply,

'takpe nanti I and Rush akan buat surprise farewell.'

Surprise farewell?

Surprisekan kita then kata byebye then terus pegi ke cane?

Hehe gurau :)

Bas bertolak. Teman duduk seat yang tepinya laluan, bukan tingkap

jadi dengan sopannya teman mintak penumpang sebelah

untuk tukar tempat.

Nak lambai kat diorang for one last time.

Dia pun senyum dan kami pun tukar tempat duduk.

And I did.

I waved goodbye to them for one last time.

The last couple of days at UiTM Segamat

was pure awesomeness.

Alhamdulillah, it was such fun.

In shaa Allah, we'll meet again.

Really, I hope and pray that we will.

Deep pockets.

I had a rather bad memory with

people with deep pockets.

This is a story that not many knew,

not even one financially-stable friend of mine;

because I judged this person wrongly,

and I felt bad doing so, up to this day.

Let's just say,

this one rich person

made the strongest person I've ever known

broke down and cry.

I was there.

This man.. created a motion picture, in my head

which happened only once;

but it stayed with me for a lifetime.

Being the immature person I was,

I began to hate rich people.

Big time.

And of course, Allah Taala

being wise as He is,

guided me.

Life at university has brought me to befriend

a few who are.. rich.

And.. they're not that bad.

Well there were details, but,

to sum it up, I was proved wrong.

I'm still working on that judgemental part of mine.

I'm trying to believe.

I still encounter a-hole rich people here and there.

Kind of did today, in fact,

at the place where I'm working.

But I'm trying. I want to believe.

It felt good being proved wrong.

What to tell?

Quite frankly

I'm lacking the time and energy to blog.

Even my Tumblr was close to being abandoned.

Twitter stayed active though,

tweeted mostly of the things not worth laughing at, really.

Thought of posting those stuffs here as well, but

we'll see.

There's so much to tell.

The things I learn.

The things I have come to understand.

Maybe even things I can never bring myself to speak out.

Twitter is the closest you'll ever get

to know how things are going at the moment.

Mostly feelings;

so if you don't mind me being emotional so

by all means, read on.

To spill the details.. well.

No.

I can't even speak out. Been that way since.. ever, I guess.

So if I ever talk, I don't need anything else but

just a listener.

Leave it to my brain

to nag at me

of the things I could have done better.

Don't know what else to type about

apart from that, so

cheers.

Peace be upon you.

Headphones.

As I look at my (fake) Beats headphone

a memory came to mind.

It was during PC fair, at my campus.

My current headphones - also Beats - is dying

and I was looking for a new one.

My crazy friend, my crazy friend's neighbour - our close friend

our mutual friend, also a close friend

and there's me. Four of us.

The neighbour and I were trying on a few headphones

and my crazy friend saw that,

so he called from afar, 'hoi, minah, sini jap.'

So I did, and later he asked,

'you cari headphone ke?'

Then I said, 'yeah. I punya pun nak jahanam dah, tu yang cari tu.'

Then the neighbour called again

and we're back to trying out one headphones after another.

Long story cut short, I found one that sounded good.

He told me to try it out, so I did.

To test the bass, I plugged it in my phone

and played Hans Zimmer's Dream Is Collapsing

right at the middle, where the climax is building its force.

'How is it?'

'Soooo good. Go on and try it! Put it on.'

He did.

'Ready?'

'Yeah.'

I played the song, at the same part,

and he's wearing the same face like the Obama's not bad meme.

The price is RM48; RM80 if bought two.

'You nak beli ke?'

'Kenapa?'

Seeing that I'm a bit lost, the neighbour

translated, 'dia nak kau belikan untuk dia, sebenarnya.'

Looking at him smiling coyly made me LOL so hard.

But BUT I didn't bring enough money with me!

Well, as it turns out, all four of us wanted that headphone, haha.

Seeing that I didn't have sufficient money,

we agreed on letting them pay for mine

and I'll pay them back.

I was very much thankful. :') Baiknyaaa

So we went back to our rooms with new pair of headphones.

The guys were so excited to plug it in

and play DOTA and Counter Strike. Haha

I was more excited to try on every song with this headphones.

The headphones reminded me of this night.

It was great fun.

My vocabulary is far too limited to describe that night.

I miss them.

Longing.

This is a kind of longing

where

it is both sad and hopeful.

Sad,

because of a distance;

easily understood by metric values

but with emotions indescribable.

It is still hopeful one, all the same;

for one day,

for every joy I have felt,

for every beautiful thing I see,
of the here and now,

if for now I feel it alone,

I hope one day

I could feel it the second time,

but this time

you all will be with me.

I guess,

distance and time is not a bad thing.

And thanks to Him,

I am contented.

Give, doesn't always get.

There are times I would ask myself

Is it worth giving?

You don't always get it back;

in fact, they could

hurt you

abandon you

even forget you

Give, doesn't always get.

I was angry

I was sad

I was in pain

I am still all that

Once, or twice

I did wish I could take your life

I wish I could embrace your neck tightly

and send you to a world

where everything is better than here.

I even wished

I could turn the tides of the ocean

and let it envelop you, like a tsunami,

into complete dissolution.

Give, doesn't always get;

so they hold it in,

hiding behind a practised smile;

they wear a mask.

Such is the act, portrayed by

three of the kindest people I have ever known.

I feel it.

I so wanted to do bad things to you;

until I remembered an advice Mama once said,

'don't do to others whatever shit they do to you.'

It took me years and years,

one life story after another,

to finally understand why.

If I repay to you

the hurtful thing you have done to me

then I am no different than the evil you are.

I was saved

by a mother's advice

and a story of three of my friends, all similar.

It is hard to do. But I want to try.

Rasulullah SAW did that, right?

He was patient - loving and forgiving, in fact - all the way.

May Allah Taala ease everything.

Oh, life.

Most of my free time

were spent on

looking for new songs of all sorts of classes.

Rock, house, instrumentals.

Trying to look for new acts.

Otherwise, I'll just look for movies

or catch up on my reading.

I am now rarely in contact

with my musical advisor, by choice;

therefore the best I could do

is to adopt the method he often used.

In the process, I found few tracks on my own

some few I genuinely like,

unaffected by anyone's judgement; only my own.

I hope to get few recommendations from him every now and then,

but for now, I'll just go to YouTube.

The thing about looking for

one song rather than one whole album is

the keying in of the properties of the mp3 file.

And I never found only one song

- I could come up with over 10 per night,

so imagine the number of tabs I will open

to look for the artist, album, track number, release year, album cover-

I am very particular with these stuffs. Hihi

I feel like I am cataloguing these stuffs.

And Cataloguing is not my best subject, admittedly;

although for a brief while,

it did get my attention.

But hey, painful as the subject may be,

it was memorable.

Doing this again after a long while

brings back fond memories

of the days I kept complaining about this subject

to my friends, every time I meet them.

I suppose my friends are doing great, somewhere.

I'm looking forward to seeing them again.

Every once in a while, they would come in my dreams,

saying they have so much to tell me about.

It's weird, but,

true or not, I'm looking forward to the day

I get to hear their stories.

I have always loved hearing stories.

Sooner or later,

we'll meet again. Till then,

peace be upon you.

To my beloved mental patients.

Batman,

You are my partner in crime, my confidante, my musical adviser.

LOL, musical adviser.

You are the cheekiest, most cunning 12-year-old

I have ever encountered.

I have seen you winning and losing - but completely happy? Not yet.
Maybe one day. Let me know when it comes!

Also, I cannot deny that I have a lot to thank you for.

So, in one simple statement,

thank you for this bond we have.

Hamster,

perhaps the last days we had were not well spent.

Not to mention, there were things I left unsaid.

And there are things you have yet to know.

The moment I embraced you on our last paper

how I broke down

confirmed how much you mean to me.

I like the way you are now; stay that way.

You have my utmost support.

Thank you for all the great lessons you taught me.

Terminator,

you have a girl now. You are about to marry her.

Do as Batman told you,

'hold on to that feeling.'

I don't know how much help I could be for you,

but I can assure you I will try my best.

If you want to talk,

let me know - I'll pick a time where you can talk all you want.

Listening to stories is one of the things I love doing. :)

Mental,

quite frankly, I see you less and less and I don't know why.

But Batman and Terminator would always tell me about you

so at least I get to keep tabs on you.

You have started to get more busy with your emceeing and sports.

I suppose you are, at least.

Whatever it is you want to achieve, go for it;

for I believe in you.

Please don't mess up your studies, though.

Apple,

I know my.. friend could be a handful to handle.

He's weird that way. He gets on my nerves too.

But he's a nice guy once you get past it.

Be his friend, and if, and only if

things are going good, proceed to the next level if you want;

you have my approval.

You handle him better than I do.

As for the other guy, ah well,

just be patient. Otherwise, ask Batman to help you out.

I love you.

It is not often I actually wanted so much for anyone,

therefore now I must admit,

I am now vulnerable to you;

people could hurt me through you,

and you have what it takes to hurt me.

I won't tell you to not hurt me;

people will get hurt anyway.

Be happy - that's all I ask.

Be happy, and I will be happy for you.

If you are despaired, I will try to be there.

I don't know how to help you though,

but I will try.

Until then, farewell.

Rakan seperjuangan.

Tiap senyum, tawa, dakapan

masih lagi berbekas.

Tiap perasaan kalian, terserap ke dalam jiwa.

Kutatap gambar kita.

Bangga timbul di hati,

betapa kita telah membesar dan matang bersama.

Namun kita tahu,

setiap yang bermula akan ada akhir,

setiap pertemuan akan ada perpisahan.

Duhai kalian yang berjuang bersamaku

DIIM Disember 2010 - April 2013

ketahuilah, telah kusediakan

satu ruang - di minda, di hati,

di mana segala kenangan kita berhuni.

Arkib yang tersedia khas untuk kalian.

Kurindui keriangan kalian.

Perjalanan kita kini lain lain.

Cita cita kita, lain.

Kemampuan kita, lain.

Namun bersama kita adalah Dia yang satu

dan kuberdoa, kita akan ketemu lagi,

dengan kegirangan serupa remaja

dan kematangan laksana orang terpelajar;

dan mungkin

kita akan panjang bercerita

tentang hikayat kita dahulukala

situasi semasa

dan harapan masa depan.

Kunantikan hari itu.

Hover.

It hit me, rather hard

that happiness is a rare luxury.

For a while you will be happy; and then

THE END.

And often, you won't leave,

you will hover on that problem

until you actually learn something

and move on.

Just how often do we learn

without getting hurt?

That's life's unspoken rule for you.

If that's the case then..

I will pray for happiness no more.

I will ask for
love, wisdom and courage

and a firm faith to sustain all three.

I am no longer sure if my heart could go through

one sad reality after another;

my heart is slowly wearing out.

"Don't try to be heartless

but try to use your heart less," you said.

I'm sorry, love..

I figured that out too late.

I wish I knew

what keeps me sad though.

It may either be that reality is really just a sad thing..

or that it is just me, looking at life at a wrong angle.

If it is the former, then I hope for a strong heart and mind.

If, however, it is the latter..

then I must begin looking for hope, I guess.

Where do I begin, I wonder..

Since when have I become so afraid of being happy?

I can't stay this way forever, right?

Go back.

Prone to mistakes.

Enchanted by temptations.

Worn out by despair.

I told you we are no angels.

If you would reflect back, and wonder

why he made the request

you will understand.

I don't know and see everything

but

I did know and see something.

And I act on what I know and see.

They calm my nerves.

For studying

For a walk

Instrumentals and classicals
are not only peaceful, but
they are also CGPA-enhancing kind of music, so
try listen to a few here and there :)

Untitled.

I don't know what to write.

I don't know where to begin.

I don't know how to speak of this feeling I feel.

We all have a battle or two to survive.

I am no exception.

My friend has recently lost a loved one to a brain tumour.

A companion and I, we are very much despaired for his loss

for this is the first time we have ever seen him

so much in love, and divinely happy and content.

He lost her within a week

after he proposed to her.

But I am happy for him, still,

for he managed to tell her how ardently he loved her before her time comes,

and she to him.

Better late than never.

He is still in mourn, however,

he tried. I know he tried.

Well, the thing about death is

you try so hard to cover everything up, to suppress it,

that in the end, you somehow become.. hardened;

so much so that you will be regarded as ignorant of other people's conditions

or that you just don't.. feel.

It happens. People don't quite understand.

But can I blame them? After all, they really don't know.

They don't know how it feels like to lose a father.

They don't know how it feels like to lose someone you love.

Well, perhaps I can blame on their rock-bottom level of consideration.

Or selfishness.

Or simply, stupidity.

Doesn't matter, it doesn't change anything.

I just don't care.

It hurts when it happened but in the end

I guess I just stopped caring

for I'm quite done trying to be understood.

I kind of ended up being.. disappointed.

To be fair, I don't understand pretty much everyone.

I don't live their lives.

And then there's a story of unrequited love.

I must say, this story goes back to about 2 semesters ago.

It didn't take much to notice;

just a post on a blog

an acute understanding on a person's picture of 'perfect'

and the peculiar timing.

You can say I was just lucky I saw it coming.

Like everyone in love, she wishes nothing but only the best for him.

Then this one girl came along.

And everything just.. took a turn, for the better.

I see he has changed a bit.

He smiled more - the genuine smile.

He giggled like a kid. Oh, it was so adorable, haha

My friend, my confidante, my brother

Dear God, isn't he so happy..

And the two of us - heck, every one of his closest companions - noticed.

And yes, we are very happy indeed.

But I guess.. not everyone has the privilege of time, isn't it.

Upon finding out that the hope of him finally finding bliss

after years mourning over the first one

has gone for good.. with her,

she cried for a long time.

It was a sight not even I can bear witnessing.

Time - not everyone has plenty, nor were they so lucky.

Then, a story of friendship.

I received a phone call from an unidentified number

on my father's phone.

After greetings, he asked for my father.

"He's not here."

"Where is he going?"

"He's.. no longer here."

"What, he doesn't work there anymore?"

"He.. passed away."

"Innalillah wa inna ilaihi rajiun. When?"

"Quite a while.. it's been 2 years."

"2 years? Of what?"

"Heart attack."

"God forgive me, I did not know. May I know who am I speaking to?"

"His daughter."

"Is your mother around? Where do you live, is it in Bangi?"

"Yes she is, but we live in Puchong."

"Oh, I must have been mistaken.

Your father and I worked together at Sibu.

You were so little then."

"Oh, so you must be with my father in the army then?"

"Yes, your parents attended my daughter's wedding one time.

I'm so sorry, I really don't know of this."

"It's okay, I understand. May I know your name?"

"Mejar Anuar. Tell your mother of me, she will remember."

"In shaa Allah, I will tell her you called."

When I told my mother of this, she was so shocked.

She said he is his best friend. They were always together, and he speaks of him often.

He always wondered how he is doing.

In fact, when he passed, everyone tried to call him,

but no one could reach him.

I feel so terrible. This is terrible.

I can't imagine knowing my best friend has passed away only 2 years later.

I can't figure out a title for this post.

Well, name it anything you want.

May Allah Taala bless everyone, living and not.

Hidden.

We all wear a mask

we all have a monster within

we are all in hiding.

I knew you well enough

to know where this is going

to understand your choices

and to trust your capabilities.

I understand your motives well.

I can't say I'm not worried

but I can't deny the benefit it would bring.

You can't hold it back in forever, my friend.

But I know better than to constantly worry about you.

I will put my faith in you.

It's little, it's big, it's kindness.

Ahter, Alang

thank you so much from the bottom of my heart

for offering your phones

so that I could text my mum

to pretty much calm her off her worries on me.

That was unexpected.

Nobody has ever done that for me before.

So thank you.

Angah

thank you for returning the shillings

even when you don't have to

since it's rightfully yours, for our teh tarik.

That too was unexpected.

That is really kind of you.

So thank you.

Achu

thank you for coming tonight

even it's just to save your arse. Haha

Another unexpected thing.

You have no idea how much I miss hearing you talk.

So thank you.

You guys are amazingly nice tonight.

Shocking. Stunning.

Not that you guys are terrible every night or anything

it's just that everyone is sooooo nice, it's puzzling.

I like it :)

The rain outside

calms down every wrecked nerve in my body

time just stopped

and finally, my mind is sound

and every cell of me

is at peace.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.