This calls for solat istikharah. PLEASE READ, need your opinions :|

 -post ini dibuat semasa IMD152-

this has to be the biggest mistake

i have ever done

in my life.

I thought, with this

I could get college.

I could allowance so that I don't have to use her money.

I get to go to places.

I'm getting experiences.

But for some reason..

known and unknown,

it went out of hand.

Some were self-inflicted.

Others.. I didn't ask for all that.

I'm no longer the person I used to be.

I don't know if I'm actually happy.

But I know.. I never felt this lost.

And my mum.. the more she heard of what had happened to me

the more she would ask

"do you want to quit?

if you want to, i'm all for it."

She asked that question more times that I could even remember.



If I quit,

it'll be a shame to my 2 weeks of pain and tears.

I'll never see them again

those friends who felt exactly what I felt.

I could get the freedom I've always wanted.

I could go anywhere.. without having to worry about syit meetings.

Meeting wing la, meeting biro la, meeting ape jadah sume.

Tolong la, ayah aku yg askar pon xde la nk meeting je memanjang!

Urgh, and I can go home, whenever I please

And mum won't have to cry when I leave.

 

If I don't,

I'll be only lying to myself.

Just look at me now - aku memang dah lain betol dah.

Dan perubahan tu.. rasenye bkn lah perubahan yg baik.

I have to admit - I love being a commander.

The only thing I've ever loved about this life is hari Rabu - hari tu aku akan handle dak2 junior.

I love my juniors, hikhik. No, aku benci ragging. :)

This thing.. should be fun. Lagipun my dad had fun.

But no. It wasn't.

Yelaaa. Yg handle sape - student. Bkn askar.
Lau askar.. ragging camne pun ade sonok gak, aiyooo.

I'll be distancing myself from everyone

my classmates, my wingmates, well everyone

even further.

Should I stay.. or should I go?

 sebab walau ape pon decision aku dalam hal ni..

bende ni akan memberi kesan besao kepada hidup aku.

harap korang leh bagi pendapat :)

Ya Allah, turunkanlah ke atas hambaMu ini petunjukMu..