I exchanged secrecy for understanding and gained concerned remarks in return.

So much for secrecy, hahahah :D

Everyone knew full well I'll be a part of the LIBK.

Little knew I am kinda.. nervous, and a little reluctant to do this.

Even little knew why.

But in the end the talk about it came up, I became the butt of the jokes (since I'm the only one of the 2 that's online) and somehow.. it just flew out of my mouth. Or.. my hands.

First, one of my classmates talked about the 'fun' in being one.

They can get pissed as they please.

Wear tight.. this and that.

You get allowance. And college.

You get to 'repeat' papers.. all thanks to your dedication to this stuff.

Of all that was mentioned above.. I'm worried about the last one the most.

I can go emo for the whole hour if I found out that I messed up.

Then I said that I have my own reasons.

They asked if allowance is the reason.

I said it is A PART of it.

Then I was asked, "what's the other part?"

No running away from it, eh? :D

Well, I'm the one who started it so.. in the end, everything is left in the open.

I gave them the link to the post.

It's here. Feel free to take a look.

The reaction? :D

"Isn't 15k enough?? 3k every semester!"

"The allowance is used for your courses, your clothes, the dinner for later on, and a bunch of other stuffs.. that's why I turned down the offer.."

"I hate commander."

^ I LOLed at this.. since this came from one of the class clowns.. who meant well. :)

"Choose wisely."

At that time, I was thinking again and again.

And truly, I appreciate all the opinions and concerned remarks that they gave on this matter.

I knew it won't be easy.

Worse yet, I knew that I don't know where to begin.. and how to face this.

I did pretty well on exams this semester and I'm really, REALLY worried if I'll screw up this semester and the coming ones.

I'm scared, to tell the truth. So scared.

But I took so much of Mum's money.. I literally took this decision almost without thinking.

Like I said, it's a gamble.

Like I said, tawakal je la.

Only God knows what's in store for me.

The best I can do.. is to give everything my best shot.

And after that.. leave everything to His power.

KepadaMu aku memohon pertolongan

KepadaMu aku berserah

KepadaMu jugalah aku akan kembali.