Longing.

This is a kind of longing

where

it is both sad and hopeful.

Sad,

because of a distance;

easily understood by metric values

but with emotions indescribable.

It is still hopeful one, all the same;

for one day,

for every joy I have felt,

for every beautiful thing I see,
of the here and now,

if for now I feel it alone,

I hope one day

I could feel it the second time,

but this time

you all will be with me.

I guess,

distance and time is not a bad thing.

And thanks to Him,

I am contented.

Give, doesn't always get.

There are times I would ask myself

Is it worth giving?

You don't always get it back;

in fact, they could

hurt you

abandon you

even forget you

Give, doesn't always get.

I was angry

I was sad

I was in pain

I am still all that

Once, or twice

I did wish I could take your life

I wish I could embrace your neck tightly

and send you to a world

where everything is better than here.

I even wished

I could turn the tides of the ocean

and let it envelop you, like a tsunami,

into complete dissolution.

Give, doesn't always get;

so they hold it in,

hiding behind a practised smile;

they wear a mask.

Such is the act, portrayed by

three of the kindest people I have ever known.

I feel it.

I so wanted to do bad things to you;

until I remembered an advice Mama once said,

'don't do to others whatever shit they do to you.'

It took me years and years,

one life story after another,

to finally understand why.

If I repay to you

the hurtful thing you have done to me

then I am no different than the evil you are.

I was saved

by a mother's advice

and a story of three of my friends, all similar.

It is hard to do. But I want to try.

Rasulullah SAW did that, right?

He was patient - loving and forgiving, in fact - all the way.

May Allah Taala ease everything.

Oh, life.

Most of my free time

were spent on

looking for new songs of all sorts of classes.

Rock, house, instrumentals.

Trying to look for new acts.

Otherwise, I'll just look for movies

or catch up on my reading.

I am now rarely in contact

with my musical advisor, by choice;

therefore the best I could do

is to adopt the method he often used.

In the process, I found few tracks on my own

some few I genuinely like,

unaffected by anyone's judgement; only my own.

I hope to get few recommendations from him every now and then,

but for now, I'll just go to YouTube.

The thing about looking for

one song rather than one whole album is

the keying in of the properties of the mp3 file.

And I never found only one song

- I could come up with over 10 per night,

so imagine the number of tabs I will open

to look for the artist, album, track number, release year, album cover-

I am very particular with these stuffs. Hihi

I feel like I am cataloguing these stuffs.

And Cataloguing is not my best subject, admittedly;

although for a brief while,

it did get my attention.

But hey, painful as the subject may be,

it was memorable.

Doing this again after a long while

brings back fond memories

of the days I kept complaining about this subject

to my friends, every time I meet them.

I suppose my friends are doing great, somewhere.

I'm looking forward to seeing them again.

Every once in a while, they would come in my dreams,

saying they have so much to tell me about.

It's weird, but,

true or not, I'm looking forward to the day

I get to hear their stories.

I have always loved hearing stories.

Sooner or later,

we'll meet again. Till then,

peace be upon you.