This was my January.

I don't know if this will be my last post oh him.

Mind you, this is me crushing on my own best friend

and chances are.. he might, too.

At least, that's what they say.

But I can safely say, that

the first cut is the deepest.

Indeed

over a month has gone by

since that syit happened.

Indeed

I have said that I don't mind waiting

that I would love him just the same.

And again, indeed

I'm willing to leave all this behind

and start things over with him.

Just be friends again.

But who am I lying?

I can wait. But he'll never know that I'm waiting.

I can love him. But he'll never see HOW I love him.

I can forgive. But forgetting will never be easy.

Possible. Just not easy.

And to tell you the truth

as much as I really, really want to see him

- we have last seen each other on May last year, the first and the last -

and tell him everything and ask him anything

I don't know how I would be

if I actually see him in person.

In fact, I'm beginning to feel like

I don't want to see him anymore

and hope that he will never, EVER look for me

no matter what happens.

And then there's this friend of mine, he's a (really mature-looking - looks old) junior

who wanted to 'match' me with this one guy

our mutual friend.

He admitted he's been thinking about it since last semester

what more with this weird.. thing.

A short story on 'weird thing':

right after things between he and I went wrong

I keep bumping into 'our mutual friend'.

A bit too frequent than usual.

I made the mistake of telling that to my junior

lagi la dia beriya iya nak match kan!

BUT I SAID NO. :)

Because, well, I need a break from this emotional stuff for now

and for God's sake, this campus is freaking small.

Memang patut la selalu nampak muka dia, aiyaaaaa

Yeah, he's nice. Well, everyone says he's nice.

EVERYONE.

But no. Just no.

Tak dinafikan aku siap terbayang lagi cane rupa kitorang

kalau kitorang bersama.

Hahahah, cantik gambaran yang muncul di minda, kahkahkah

Tapi.. takpo lah.

Maybe next time.

I need a break.