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Saturday, January 28, 2012

This was my January.

I don't know if this will be my last post oh him.
Mind you, this is me crushing on my own best friend
and chances are.. he might, too.
At least, that's what they say.
But I can safely say, that
the first cut is the deepest.

over a month has gone by
since that syit happened.
I have said that I don't mind waiting
that I would love him just the same.
And again, indeed
I'm willing to leave all this behind
and start things over with him.
Just be friends again.

But who am I lying?

I can wait. But he'll never know that I'm waiting.
I can love him. But he'll never see HOW I love him.
I can forgive. But forgetting will never be easy.
Possible. Just not easy.

And to tell you the truth
as much as I really, really want to see him
- we have last seen each other on May last year, the first and the last -
and tell him everything and ask him anything
I don't know how I would be
if I actually see him in person.
In fact, I'm beginning to feel like
I don't want to see him anymore
and hope that he will never, EVER look for me
no matter what happens.

And then there's this friend of mine, he's a (really mature-looking - looks old) junior
who wanted to 'match' me with this one guy
our mutual friend.
He admitted he's been thinking about it since last semester
what more with this weird.. thing.

A short story on 'weird thing':
right after things between he and I went wrong
I keep bumping into 'our mutual friend'.
A bit too frequent than usual.
I made the mistake of telling that to my junior
lagi la dia beriya iya nak match kan!
Because, well, I need a break from this emotional stuff for now
and for God's sake, this campus is freaking small.
Memang patut la selalu nampak muka dia, aiyaaaaa

Yeah, he's nice. Well, everyone says he's nice.
But no. Just no.

Tak dinafikan aku siap terbayang lagi cane rupa kitorang
kalau kitorang bersama.
Hahahah, cantik gambaran yang muncul di minda, kahkahkah

Tapi.. takpo lah.
Maybe next time.
I need a break.

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