So what can I say?

Pada suatu masa

aku tengah berlayar di lautan internet

ibu aku kata

"Kau kena lembutkan hati kau.

Mama tengok hati kau keras

macam kau ni takde perasaan."

Ni kalau sampai mak aku pun cakap camtu

there's really nothing I can do.

Clearly someone hasn't seen my Tumblr.

His picture is there, hidden in the archives.

Aaaaand, kat Blogger ni pun ada je post pasal dia.

And of course, one other person

whom I tried my best to help.

But in the end, it amount to nothing.

Bagaimana aku nak bantu dia

jika dia tak bantu diri sendiri?

Jangan salah faham

hanya kerana aku tak tegur

tak bermakna aku tak ambil berat.

Aku tengok je status facebook kau.

I love you, Mum. Seriously.

But I can tell from the way you handle things, even as you listen

I can see that if I tell you everything about what has happened

you will ask why this, why that.

And you will comment on everything.

One try and it's enough.

How I wish I was wrong, but unfortunately

I was right.

Well, s--t happenED - it's past tense.
And one way or another
another s--t will happen.

I'm trying my best to move on here
because I know, it'll get better.
Ia hanyalah satu ujian dalam kehidupan.
Kalau Allah tak sayang, Allah takkan uji, Ma.
Satu satunya cara Dia dapat ajar Noor tentang kehidupan
adalah dengan menguji Noor.

I'm trying to focus on the 'how' instead of 'why'.
How to get over everything when nothing can be fixed.

Sakit, Ma. Tinggi mana? Biarlah Tuhan saja yang tahu.

Mother, I only want to be understood.

You don't have to help me.

You can't be where I am all the time. 24/7.

Just be there, when I call you
just there with your soothingly angelic voice and smile
and I'll be perfectly ready to face anything. Seriously.

Cukuplah Allah SWT dan sahabat terdekat sahaja

yang mengetahui segala yang berlaku.

I know you're trying to protect me, so I don't get hurt

but now I feel like

you don't even trust me.

Tak perlulah Mama tahu.
Noor tak nak Mama bimbang.
Percayalah kata hati Noor, Ma.

Biarlah Allah SWT saja

yang mengetahui

memahami

dan menentukan yang terbaik untuk Noor.