.. and now Paramore?

And that.. is a lame intro to the next topic - Paramore. Or as sad people put it.. Paraless. The lengths people would go to let out their frustration.. Paraless.. oh my goodness.. which is sadly true.

 Para-less? Well, Paramore will never be the same after all.

It's official that the skilled Farros have left. One is brilliant drummer who's epic LIVE on stage, and another is an incredible songwriter and guitarist. Go here to see Josh's post and here for the official announcement.

Everything comes to an end. If there's someone to blame on this, it's the old people [who's supposed to help them grow up!] and the management. She dreamed to become an artist. The Farros love making music. Combine these two and you get Paramore, a fanbase that gets bigger thanks to Twilight [dear God...], and a bigger income profit [it fits.. and sounds more sinister.. which fits the true nature of the story] and some cool [read: seller] story.

 Well.

Back then it was Hayley and only Hayley and a bunch of dudes playing in the background. Then when BNE came out - with Ignorance - and then people found out it's about her being tired of having the spotlight on her all fucking time and the dudes start blaming her for everything and so on. The next thing you know, you go to YouTube, type in Ignorance or any vids off BNE, you find comments 'Paramore is not just Hayley' 'Paramore is [start listing their names]' 'Josh is so hot' [which he is] and stuffs like that. Gosh, LMAO at it all the time.. throwing words around like that like they're nothing is just ridiculous. Some story, don't you think?

Josh doesn't like how it turned out. All he wanted was making music. The man on top went on and make it all commercial with putting her as the star that outshone other people who worked just as hard on the background. I THINK [I'm just assuming so don't troll on me] Hayley liked it initially.. but too much of a good thing is not a good thing, as they say. She grew tired of it. If it's true, then she figured it out a little too late - but she's lucky that the bros stayed to go all out at one last shot with the band. Leaving it all behind JUST LIKE THAT is crazy. BNE is a therapy for them.. and at the end of the day, everyone loves a story of falling down and going back up - it's a seller point, after all. Everybody loves a dose of soap drama in everything.

You know.. if the management wasn't so screwed up, that post where Josh blaming [literally] almost everyone involved in bringing Paramore up there wouldn't exist, a bunch of kids wouldn't have to grow up so fast, and for once, someone [or someband.. whatevs] would be on top just because they're good talents.

And BTW, this comment at Last.fm ruled. :D It's by the user named Dan_Hubble:

" "The singer is always the heart of a band, the other members always come and go. Paramore will be the same with or without Zac and Josh. Josh bitching about Hayley has just made him look like a jealous idiot, if he didn't like the way the band was going he could've left ages ago. " To whoever wrote this, no it isn't, maybe if Hayley wrote all the lyrics and music but she doesn't, certain guitarists and drummers have different styles and things that make them unique so no Paramore will not be the same. Josh wasn't bitching about Hayley, he was just telling his side of the story, and if that isn't the same as the rather robotic statement the band put out then so be it. "if he didn't like the way the band was going he could of left ages ago" Really? Are you that ignorant to think that walking away from a band that big would be a snap decision? Seriously, I thought youtube comments were bad, but Last.fm ones are BY FAR the worst."

That said, I'll still enjoy their music. Good luck for both. I hope the relationship between won't end on a bad note.

Was wondering though.. if those situations really affected them, was there even a friendship?

Johor. :|

Friday has just arrived - it's past midnight. In a couple of days time I'll be leaving for Johor.. a journey in which I hope I'll have His protection until my 3 years are over. I'll be there on my own - simply put, if anything goes wrong there, I have to deal with it on my own. THAT's a challenge I'm actually looking forward to, since I'm dying to know how much I can do on my own in this period of time. I finally got this chance so let's pray I don't screw this up.

Yes, I'm dying to get out of this house and explore! WEEEEEE!

It goes without saying that it'll be tough adjusting to it, but then, I'm sure everyone who will be coming to the campus on the same day as I do felt just as nervous and excited as I am, so I pray that I get to face this with them and get out of it with them as well. In a sense, I'm alone and yet I'm not alone. Okaaayy that's lame..

I don't know how my mum can cope with this, what more with since he 'left' - it'll be hours with the kids all day - and in those hours I can't help but feel that she'll.. well, look back, you know. Not to mention she's kinda jumpy these days. She'll freak out if she couldn't figure out a solution to a small trouble. Just today we got in the car and as she drove out looking for the exit - and couldn't find it - she freaked out. I told her to relax and just keep driving and that she'll find it. That's major, dude. And she went all out worrying about me. Duuuude..

I don't know how my sisters will take care of her - she mentioned she didn't like their attitude at times - somehow, in my eyes, it's like SHE took care of them. She washed their clothes and fold it, feed the kids, cooked dinner, cleaned the house. Can you imagine how fucking tired this old woman is? They paid the bills, alright, there's no denying that. But with all that money.. I THOUGHT they could do so much more. They're not filthy rich.. but still, from my view.. I hate the way things look.

For her sake, I have to adapt to a new environment and take good care of myself, and I'll do it. She doesn't need to waste her time worrying about me - that habit never helped me even for a bit.

As Paramore puts it in Where The Lines Overlap -

"I'm not used to it, but I can learn

There's nothing to it, I've never been happier"

That pretty much sums it up.

If you really knew me, you would know that I..

.. have so many things to say. I can't let it out ANYWHERE 'coz if I put it here, I'm [possibly] opening up to absolute strangers.. and ironically, to me.. opening up is a painful process. The tear-jerking thing. Hah haa.

If I write it on a piece of paper, my mum WILL find out - I don't want her to - she worrying 'bout me is really not gonna help me in any way.

If I put it on facebook, gosh.. EVERYONE I know [and some, I wish I didn't befriend] is on facebook. Even my mum. So much for privacy.

If I open up to you, I'll bore you to death. I'm sentimental by nature, *sigh* ;]

Well, at least I got the prologue outta my system.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

That said, what we know of each other is really just a tip of the iceberg.

Inspired by 'If You Really Knew Me' by MTV.

 

Holding onto patience, wearing thin.

THIS IS A RANT.

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The wait is a pure killer. My future comes down to this.

I've been waiting for this day. For the results. I don't care if I got it or not.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER NOWNOWNOW! I can't wait anymore!

And yet, the results is still not out yet! They said mid-November - for fuck's sake it's already 15th November! Isn't that middle enough?!

I'm hoping for a turn of events when it comes out. In a way or another. I just wanted a change, and this is a shot I HAVE to take. And I'm waiting excruciatingly.

It's 3.15am. I don't know if I can sleep. Oh dear God.

OH GOD!

Dude. WTH?

I really just don't fucking get it. Why, you gay pussy, why why WHY?

I frankly don't know where the hell should I start. Well, I'll just start at wherever my thoughts landed on.

On a regularly boring net-browsing hour, I was hitting 'Home' for the 16th time, waiting for updates. Then I saw San's status, 'saw that creature, better cabut! go offline :P'

Well, I've seen this status for so many times. Not everyone had a blast on the same day, right? But somehow, I clicked on the 'comments' button. Alas, I shouldn't have. FML. Just.. FMFL.


Sicko, San, and Sun commented on it. It's the typical kind - sarcasm, cheerful insults, jokes - all that stuff we do out of reflex. :)
Everything looks fine until I saw Sun mentioned my name.. in a sentence that's enough to make me long for a chance to blow this guy up.


Sun has the rep to make jokes, and not all his jokes are charming. Most of those jokes.. are on me. Well, I don't know he gave a similar treatment to anyone.. but this shit is fucking sick.


I've never BSed anything about this guy to anyone, and now, this? WTH, you fucktard pussy!

Marching Bands of Manhattan.

This song is by Death Cab For Cutie. It's the first track of the album 'Plans' and DAMN I'm so in love with the chorus, and eventually the whole album itself. I already put this song up at the Mixpod player.. which you can see at the top of the page. The song's kinda old.. but it never cease to amaze me :D

Enjoy.

If I could open my arms
And span the length of the isle of Manhattan
I'd bring it to where you are
Making a lake of the East River and Hudson

And if I could open my mouth
Wide enough for a marching band to march out
They would make your name sing
And bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings

I wish we could open our eyes
To see in all directions at the same time
Oh, what a beautiful view
If you were never aware of what was around you

And it is true what you say
That I live like a hermit in my own head
But when the sun shines again
I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is going to drown
(4 x)

Your love is going to drown (4 x)

Your love is going to..

Totally love the meaning behind this song. The chorus, especially, tells you that sorrow will, in time, make you oblivious to the world, and maybe even to love. And while you decide whether or not you want to take love in - to be in doubt - eventually the love will fade away.

Well, that's what I thought anyway :)

Remember The RED BOOK?

BEWARE OF EXTREMELY CHEESY, CORNY CONTENT. OVER EXPOSURE TO THIS POST MAY CALL FOR A BUCKET TO PUKE INTO and/or A CHUCKLE OF SARCASM JUST TO BEAR WITH THE EFFECTS. YE BE WARNED.

Do you remember the book?

I don't know if you do.. but I do. You probably think, "why do you care about it NOW? It's over and gone."

Well.. a hunch, actually. A hunch that brought me to RoxyGirl's blog. Well, don't know if she still likes Roxy.. but that's just how I remember her. :) And the fact that she kept apologizing all the time for not updating her 'bloggie' is amusing actually.
And so I read her entire blog.. because a hunch told me to. All the way to her first post on June 7th, 2007. And in one of those posts.. I saw the red book being mentioned. I NEVER thought I'll see it THERE.. a sure sign that she did think of it.. even if it's just once.

Just once.

Remember how it all started? We're all 14. Young, crazy, restless.. and of course, happy beyond words. We were crazy mental kids then.

We sang almost every song written in the journal in the bus on the way to the unforgettable camp that year. Move Along. Come Clean. Remember how leeches freak the s--- out of Roxy? Me too. XD

It started with something I wrote in the book. A diary post. Then ParamoreGirl saw what I did.. then she wrote some stuff in there. Crazy s--- stuff. XD
The next thing we know, we're all writing in there.
And it came to me then.. that it's not my journal. It's OUR journal.

Then it become a diary of a group of teenagers. Rojak Gang diary. Didn't know who came out with that name, but I definitely remember why - we're multiracial. I don't know about you.. but I felt like I just found my second home. I felt complete. Content. Perfect.

We wrote every s--- that happened in our lives in there, good and bad. Our crushes. Our.. uh, misunderstandings. Our fun moments. Remember how at one point one of us would say, "can I take it home? 'Cause I wanna read it and update later"? I do.

Then on a particular day.. the red book 'broke into 10 pieces'. But we just write in it anyway.

When there's no more paper left on whatever's left of the journal, I bought a new one. Then some begin to think how pointless this journal thing is. I felt weird. But it didn't matter. Partly because I never asked you to write in it.. so you may write and stop writing when you please, and also because I need a journal for my mind's sake.

2007 came. We're divided. There's no need to talk about the year.. simply 'cause it's a blast, just like last year, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED. Even if you broke my heart, or the other way round. It doesn't matter.. 'cause even before the year ended, I knew 2008 won't be the same, and that it won't beat the fun we had in year '06 and '07.

It's when we're divided that I decided.. no one cared anymore. I abandoned the Red Journal at the desk.. and didn't bother to pick it up ever since. Up till the end of the year. It's probably incinerated by now.. just like the way it burned away with time.

2008 came. We're growing up.. on diff paces. This growing up process brought us to a number of clashes. Call me cheesy if you wish, but seeing the same people that laughed at AND with each other some time before that.. suddenly going on each other's throats (that's just me being radical, it's really just cold wars and stuff but well, the effects are worse than cold wars, it seemed) is really heart breaking.

Then everything just changed. It's no longer a dream, for now I'm awake to see the reality. It doesn't matter. 'Cause everything comes and goes. The same way my father stayed in my life from day one onwards - March 15th, 1992.. till June 2nd, 2010.

[y]Our smiles are compiled into an collage of pictures in my head I never get bored of looking.
[y]Our laughs are among the best alarm clocks I ever had.. 'cause then, everytime I woke up, I know I'll be seeing you guys and then we'll go kerrrazy.. till 1.50pm, baby. Or 12.30pm on Friday.

Whatever happened that caused this to fade, it doesn't matter, and never will. All that mattered, is that I think of you from time to time, and wish you have everything you wished for.

Above all... I miss you. Take care.

Talk about regrets. Ugh!

To tell the truth, I'm bummed like crazy when it came to me that I never went to that paramore concert. I mean, how many friggin' times in one's lifetime that ANY band would ever perform at Malaysia.. again?

It's once-in-a-lifetime thing. And (probably, as always) I chose to blew it, wtf =="

I did the same thing to the MCR concert, s***.

Paramore is really awesome when it comes to jamming onstage. WHY? Well, go to YouTube and type Final Riot.. ESPECIALLY 'Let The Flames Begin' and 'We Are Broken'. These two are crazy amazing. And I missed THE concert I was dying to go. *bangs head to the keyboard*

Can't help feeling my youth's so wasted. God.. =="

Anyway, it got me thinking - WHAT IF.. I repeat the same stuff again and again if, God willing, I get to college? As if by reflex.. my brain and my heart said in unison.. "Your life will be shamefully boring."

How interesting.. for once, my brain AND my heart are at the same page. NAIS :)

Well, that said, I wonder.. when will the day - where everything would go totally unpredictable, and no longer the same old cycle of routines - ever come?

'Cause I'm dying to live. :/

My fingers is pretty sore..

On Saturday, my sister flew to UK. Surrey, to be exact. Like I said earlier, it's for a job. Which I'm far from knowing.. or wanting to know. And that same night, I bought The Complete Series of Sherlock Holmes Volume 2. YAY. I've been hunting for that book.. only that I didn't expect to find it at the airport, the least of my expectations a place I'd never thought of looking.. and then I prayed, for my own good, that I'll use my PLKN savings for something super important. Like paying the bills for my college entrance. Or some freak injury on the leg - a sprained ankle, which is almost second nature.

The next day, my mum and I went to Giant then I saw a guitar then she saw me seeing the guitar then she got the hint. Then I said I wanna buy it then (I don't remember THIS part) then I told her, "you pay for it now then I'll pay you back," then she said "fine" then we take the guitar and tested it then.. to the trolley it goes. Until she thought, might as well get something that's of quality at an actual music shop. We dropped the guitar at some random place, after which we went to buy some cooking stuff and later to IOI.. at Clavi, where I found the one I wanted. The guy who handled the purchase is real charming. Mum says he's good at marketing. I say he's kinda cute  ;P

And so the money is used to pay for the guitar. Yes, it is indeed a matter of little importance..

D is easy peasy. G? Sure I can do that. It's the C I've got trouble with. Damned fingers.. they bring 'fat fingers' a whole new meaning..

Have you heard Joy Electric's Decode? I did. I was shivering with.. (insert adjective here). It sounded like some gay (by that I meant sissy pussy, not the community, thanks) singing + nasty beat. I was like, "what the shit is this?" I was half-hoping for something that sounds like 3OH!3 stuffs or even Ministry of Sound annuals. How am I wrong.

Dude. You're sick. Get well soon.

I've got an important appointment on Sat.. can't tell what, might get jinxed (weird much?). Wish me luck anyway ;)

Just another post.

Ok, word is that my sis MIGHT be going to UK this Friday for a job. Don't know what job, tho.. however it's gonna be quite a rush for her.. since she said - last week - she should leave in 2 weeks time. So technically, she shoulda start packing by next week, not this week. Rush much?

Hmm.. Mum's gonna be bummed. I can almost imagine her saying, "looks like there's only the two of now."
As much as I hate the way she said it - like, well.. a bad thing, when we could still find a way to overlook that - it's true.. and it sucks. I just hope she won't weep.. 'cause if she does, I won't be much help since I'm NOT the persuasive type.

But I'm sure she won't.. now that she has dozens of books to read. Then she'll read it again and again. Distraction, as I hoped, worked well when anything goes wrong. Not that I'm intending to say that escaping a problem is good.. just that it's nice to take a breather for a while and later face it when one thinks s/he is ready.

Speaking of books, I just bought Sherlock Holmes - The Complete Novels and Stories Volume 1. It's brilliant.. tho I had to a super thick dictionary with me. I have a thing for movies that are based on novels. Or rather.. novels that are made into movies. Like last time I watched Percy Jackson, I looked for the book and found it. Then I read it. Pretty nice.. could've been better had the author refrain from repeating the what, who, how and why of everything at the first couple of pages of the story.

Now I'm still looking for How to Train Your Dragon series. Might look Diary of A Wimpy Kid while I'm at it.

By the way, I found TwiLite.. where Bella Swan is, I think.. Stella Crow. Didn't buy it. But will look for it on the net. :)

Just run. I understand. :)

Mother. My mum.

Well, obviously the topic here is about my mum.

I'm not a huge fan of replays - unless it's at the perfect timing and the memory is one I wish could be relived again. Like the PLKN thingy.. or the Sg Dusun Camp. Heheh.. long story. Shh. ;P

And my mum is fond of replays - I'd remember going to bed hearing her talk about.. well, my dad.

She'll talk about dozens of things - how they met, how handsome he were.. she even showed photos.

Now.. maybe it's just me being sensitive, but nowadays I noticed she's being doing pretty much the entire house chores. One time, she tukar tempat perabot in the kitchen and I only found out about it when she's already halfway thru. It's as if.. she's doing all that to keep a clear mind. Like.. to run away from the pain.

CALL ME, MUM.

It goes to the extend she said, "Sakit pinggang la.." Nicely done, genius.

Maybe it's my fault for not being much help. Oh well..

Take a break, take a breather next time.

Obsessed much? XD

Eversince I learned that I can install apps to my phone, my days are passed by either reading an ebook I've just found or play games.. mostly movie-based ones. Speaking of the latter, I'm almost finished with Narnia: Prince Caspian.

The sick part is that I actually Googled mobile cheats for Narnia: Prince Caspian coz I'm stuck at the Dancing Lawn. And I've spent 2 bloody days to finish that game. And I've got time in my hands! =_________="

Alas, I've found the way in. Btw, put the rocks on the 2nd, 4th and 6th. Silly badger for saying '2nd, 12th and 30th pillar'. I knew Maths' common factor studies has something to do with this.. just that I got so malas I decided to just Google it.

Remember, my comrades.. Google is your best friend. XD

Then I played Rock Band [finally passed Everlong's hard stage on bass.. and that's JUST bass] and then Playman Extreme Running.

As of now, I've 51 games in the phone. FOR NOW.

My mum and Proton sis keep saying, 'You're on the phone every day! Don't you get tired?'

Well, I got tired of being bored, so.. *shrugs*

That said, it is now official that I am now obsessed with anything mobile. Themes. Games. Ebook. Now I'm searching for PDF Mobile Reader. Haven't found it yet. Grr..

One Night Only.

Gosh.. George Craig is cute! I was practically gawking at him everytime 'Say You Don't Want It' plays on MTV, LOL.



I went looking for the song right away.. and later bummed when the quality FAIL, grr =='
Well I extracted the mp3 audio straight from YouTube so what the hell should I expect, right?

So I looked for it again and yes, I found it. Don't ask me where I've found it - I just went to Google, typed 'say you don't want it mp3' and hit Enter. Opened up to 10+ carefully picked links just to get a better chance of picking one with a good Q [that's quality].

Say, you don't want it?

I read somewhere that if I registered in their mailing list, I'll get a free mp3, 'All I Wanted'. Charming. So I did that, and got the mp3, and when I listened to it, I was like, "This is better than their earlier material, surely. This is AWESOME!"

Go get it yourself. You fans won't regret it.

Oh, and word is that he's dating that chick in the video.
Yea, me too. I was shocked. << Deadpan statement. Sorry, I'm a blurcase by nature :)

Well, they met on a shooting set for Burberry shoot.

Now that explains the cute chemistry in the vid, don't you think?

And then I stopped.

Yesterday, I read The Sun. There's this article talking about transfers post-WC '10. Interesting. So I scanned thru it.

Among them are Torres, Fabregas, this blondie spiky-haired Germany guy whose name I can pronounce but can't spell, and J. Cole.

Then I read about Fabregas. Apparently Barcelona's interested in him. That's when I read, '.. and Fabregas did look reluctant to be in Barca colours, for obvious reasons.'

Being a total footie noob I am, I was about to say, "Papa, why is it that.." when I came back to my senses.. and realised he's no longer here.

It dawned to me that he's probably the only guy who could answer my never-ending curiousity about the players.. and also the only one who could spontaneously [and unexpectedly, which I love] go, "You see Howard? The goalkeeper. There. He's from the US." "Oh, dear.. Evra's panicking. Everytime he becomes the captain, he'll panic." "Look at Gordon, the Sunderland keeper. Everytime he kicks the ball, he'd always tilt his head to a side! See? Ha ha ha!"

Hey, no pun intended. I'm talking memories here, not footie.

When I missed the WC '10 Finals, I felt a pang of disappointment. Coz I've missed so much.. and I missed my Dad.

PLKN (Ku Berharap)

Call me lame for posting this when it's already over for a month plus now.. but I really miss seeing, talking, and laughing with them so much I just gotta take it outta my chest.

I've got to admit this - I was excited to get into camp. Call me nuts, crazy, retarded even but military-ish life everyday from 6.30 am to 10 pm is nothing... when you're there with your buds. Fine, go on *groan* all you want, but admit it - we all had a blast. Or to some, you WILL.

That's why I was freakin' excited to get into camp - coz I know I'll meet a whole new bunch of people. Despite 3 months dealing with the heat (I could have cussed a lot more if it weren't for the genes - thanx Dad), weird JLs whose minds you just can't comprehend, much less understand, and occasionally sucky food (there, I said it), PLKN is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's like I've been reborn.

Scratch that last sentence. it's pure bliss with friends.. but for the entire period we felt like we're the target of a mass murder, but they failed, so they tried it again and again for 3 months. when they finally go, 'oh these wankers just don't die!' they make us pack our stuffs and get out.. and then bring in another bunch of teenagers and try to kill them again.. to see if it works this time. So we suffer with our friends. That's why it's so unforgettable. Because we all hate the same things. Hahah. Ok, anyways..

I've made friends, sure. Some still stick with me to this day thanx to mobile phones and MukaBuku.

Then, I've come to understand a culture bit by bit. Why that is that, this is this and the like.

And the things we do - handling Colt M16, flying fox (I went 'woohoo!' up there, wonder if anyone ever heard that), kayak, gosh.. they were awesome.

Yes, it is still the best thing that's ever happened to me.

We have
- slept in the same dorm.
- ate nearly 6 times a day at the same table.
- taking sick, crazy photos every weekend or even activities.
- met buds on weekdays in PK and KN classes and go 'are you sleepy? me too, man' to the person next to you.

All these for 3 straight months. I smiled wide ear to ear and laugh till I make no sound hundreds of times in there. It's a whole new level of bonding.


To you guys who went pale-faced when you received The Letter To PLKN, here's one simple rule of thumb that'll keep you 'alive', so to speak -

Change That Mindset.

Honest. Just think about it, when you dread it, you'll ruin all the fun. Just enjoy everything. Take part into as many things as you can. When you enjoy everything, you'll weep when the 3 months is over coz you had too much fun.. but later laugh back at the memories you had back there. You won't leave that place empty-handed. Trust me, I was there. ;)
Just follow all the rules, and when in doubt, ask. And then when they're in doubt when you ask them when you're in doubt, by all means, just cuss for your own sanity. That's how I survived the camp. :p

Oh, the title? Heheh, the song Suara (Ku Berharap) by Hijau Daun was a hit at my camp. People sing it EVERYWHERE. Along with Wonder Girls' Nobody, Nobody.. and some guy got famous coz he's danced to that tune, LOL XD

In PLKN, make yourself some saccharine sweet memories. Then you'll begin to enjoy every moment of it.

if you can go back..

if i can go back, i would. badly.
i want to relive the glory i had.
i want to feel happy like i did then.
i want to have that sense of belonging.
and the feeling that everything is fine. perfect. just.. faces plastered with a smile.


but i can't, therefore i won't.
because i do, i'll never know what i know now.
i'll never understand what i've come to understand.
and.. above all, i'll be as happy and content as i am today.

i'm pretty convinced that the family is sick.

my nephews are such an adorable lot! shame on me fro thinking that a 17-year-old will never entirely have fun in taking care of them. hey, the eldest is chaos itself.. but he still is ADORABLE! xD

the eldest, Zeke, is actually pretty darn smart. he understood everything we said, a quick-learner, and to top it off, he's a great bro to his baby bro. not that he defended him from a bunch of thugs-to-be [yet], it's just that.. he really loved his bro. in most cases, they'll get jealous and everything.

however, his dad, my bro-in-law, is now confirmed as a total asshole. which daddy will cut a baby's pacifier and later tell the kid, "see? you did that"?

when i found that out, i'm divided between to stay quiet about this for my sister's sake.. or to go up to that guy.

God only knows how that kid grew up in their home.. let alone how he'll end up to be.

he used my sister's car to work.. and by the time he refueled it, it's half-empt-

scratch that, my mum drove her car once and it's beyond half-empty. needless to say, my mum was pissed.

one thing that he'll do without fail when he came home [a little word: my parents and i helped to take care of their sons until they get home.. which is my home, and will eventually get to their home around.. after 9] is to read newspapers.

my mum got an idea to hide all newspapers away, figuring he'll never.. how you say it? bond with his sons, because he'll be reading newspapers.

seriously, this sucks. hardcore. of all people he could mess with, he messed with his eldest who's only two years old. TWO FUCKING YEARS OLD.

Dear God, he must rot in hell. he's praying all day and this is how he treated his son, my nephew, my parents' grandchild. he must rot in hell. and please.. protect Zeke's baby brother, Shebby - please, not him too.

i told my mum about it. i told her this guy is sick, and she replied he's a psycho.
when i said his family is a bunch of nutheads, she agreed.
and later added, "i'm done thinking about this. my heart's not that strong to keep up with this."
i told her, "mum, he's 2 right now. and he's learning quickly. if he grows up with a guy like that, he'll stay that way and-"
"let it be. i'm done with him! i didn't even bother talking to him just now. let him taste the fruit of his wrongdoings. his time will come."
i'm not relieved with the reply, but, well.. i don't know any better words to say in return.


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want some the fray mp3? :D

twice i witnessed my in-laws came to our home and have a chat, and twice i heard them saying, "he [Zaim] speaks english everytime. 'what's that?' 'wow, train!' 'opah [malay equivalent for grandmother], where are you, opah?'
"he speaks like that all the time and we don't know how to reply! ha ha ha!"
[little more word: in malay community, albeit not entirely, when you speak english fluently, you're either a) a genius or a smart student; or b) you have high standards i.e. rich. it's a sick, stupid, weird, and illogical way of thinking.. but, well, that's how it is in my experience.]

come on, in studying english, all you need is MTV and another MTV fan or a person who can speak both mother tongue and english, as easily as breathing. you listen to a lot of music, explore new bands, and later.. explore the deeper meanings in their lyrics, you're half-way in mastering english lit. english lit.. meaning jane austen. conan doyle. ANYBODY. that's how i did it! :D
and you can.

FAITH [always] GO A LOOOONG WAY. i learned that from experience, so i'm telling you now.

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how about a few paramore mp3? :]

screw anyone who says the band you loved sucks. your ears, your mind, your life. just stay away from black metal at all costs, ok? :D

my thoughts are on..

my mum. my dad. my sisters, one getting married. some time in mid-year.

my parents.. who.. let's just say, prosperity is not on our side right now.
i hope it's just FOR NOW.

my friends who, like me, are on the transition to being young adults.

and me.. who's literally lost. well, i've no job. and i'm dying to get out.

i wonder how the world's REALLY like. some said it's unfair, others.. awesome.

but i wanna judge it for myself. teenagers. being one, i don't know everything.
no matter how much we insist we do - admit it, WE DON'T.

i've read newspapers.. and i wonder, what happened to the world today?

i don't know about you.. but as for me, i just don't know.

i'm on my way to believing.

Paramore - The Only Exception

When I was younger, I saw
My daddy cried and cursed at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it.
And my mama swore that she would
Never let herself forget.
That was the day that I promised
I'll never sing of love, if it does not exist
But, darling..

You.. are.. the only exception
You.. are.. the only exception
You.. are.. the only exception
You.. are.. the only exception.

Maybe I know.. somewhere
Deep in my soul, that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
And keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable.. distance.
Up until now, I swore to myself that i'm content.. with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk, but..

You.. are.. the only exception
You.. are.. the only exception
You.. are.. the only exception
You.. are.. the only exception..

I've got a tight grip of reality
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here.
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
But leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.
Whoa.. oh oh oohhh..

You.. are.. the only exception
You.. are.. the only exception
You.. are.. the only exception
You.. are.. the only exception..

You.. are.. the only exception
You.. are.. the only exception
You.. are.. the only exception
You.. are.. the only exception..

And I'm on my way to believing.
Ohh.. and I'm on my way to believing.

the monday syndicate meets everyone the same.

Halfway around the world lies the one thing that you want
Buried in the ground, hundreds of miles down
The first thing that arises in your mind when you awake
Is bending you 'til you break, let me hold you now

Baby close your eyes, don't open 'til the morning light
Baby don't forget, we haven't lost it all yet

Don't know what you're made of till the one thing that you want
Is coming with the dawn and suddenly changes
The Monday syndicate meets everyone the same
All we've lost to the flame, listen to me now

Baby close your eyes, don't open 'til the morning light
Don't ever forget, we haven't lost it all yet
All we know for sure is all that we are fighting for
Baby, don't forget we haven't lost it all yet

Someday when this is over
We may still have no answer
For now it's when I hold her
We are closer, we are closer, we are closer
We are closer

Baby, close your eyes, don't open 'til the morning light
Don't ever forget, we haven't lost it all yet
All we know for sure is all that we are fighting for
Baby, don't forget we haven't lost it all yet

We are closer
(We haven't lost it all yet) We are closer
Oh, we are closer
We are closer..

what a day. :D

i had an awesome day.

i just chilled with my friends, and i made a new one!

we ate at Wendy's. actually, we're [that's Sab, my neighborhood/class/work out mate n i] supposed to meet Lela. she was weeping, literally, last week. she was pissed and lost. apparently her best mate played a cruel joke on her - inventing a character who's 'so falling in love' with her. it would have been.. at least, acceptable and potentially easily forgiven if it was done for a short time and she admitted it's a joke [now that i know the whole stuff, i'm beginning to wonder if it is a joke], but well, she didn't.

in fact, it was happening for a loooooong time, and i'm also cheated.

she used 2 cell phone numbers, made her own brother voiced the voice of this so-called admirer, and.. worst yet, Lela is always in constant trouble with her mum, and she's piling it up with THIS.

i'm beginning to feel so sick of having known her. oh, didn't i mention she changed Lela's Facebook password? owhh... God..

the 3 of us, who've been listening to this as if it's a radio soap opera, wondered what has made her to be so sickly inclined to be doing such thing to her friend whose been trusting her with a lot of secrets of her own, sent her to and from the school, and laughed with all the time when they talked about boys. my new-found friend thought she's just friggin' jealous. of WHAT? didn't she have a similar to her?

that sad story aside, New-found and i are always teasing Lela with one guy at work who seemed to be crushing on her. we had fun. xD it was silly fun, i even forgotten what i said when it happened, but all i remembered.. is that i HAD FUN. no less.

we met Lela's sister's ex. it wasn't awkward, partly because Lela was too distracted with New-found and i to even care.

i just hoped Lela will get over this and live a new and better life.. for i think, after all she did to THAT girl and how she was repaid, she do deserve better.

P. S. i sprained my ankle. BADLY. seemed weird when combined with good newly-made acquaintance with New-found, a great laugh, and an internet session. but it's still AWESOME.